Sunday, May 15, 2005

FROM THE RED STATES

I just sent an e-mail to my dear friend and fellow poster on this blog Chris describing the longest Saturday of my life, which occured yesterday. What shame and dishonor I brought upon myself yesterday. Why am I posting this you might ask? Well I figure since the beginning of the season is not off to a good start for the fans of the Chicago Cubs, you guys might need something to read that might put a smile upon your face, even if only for a brief moment. If it means humiliating myself to bringing a smile to your face, it is worth it. What happened ysterday? Here goes...

Well it seems that this die hard Cardinal fan has shockingly been spending a lot of time with a certain woman who is in fact a die hard Cubs fan. I once dated a woman who was a Cubs fan, and when she refused to convert I was forced to make a painful decision to end the relationship. I didn't really love her anyway and was just looking for an excuse to end it. The whole Cubs fan thing was just an example of how different we were. This is different, and I will explain why. First, I didn't know of this tragedy beforehand and now 6 weeks or so into the relationship I have this sprung on me. Why didn't she just tell me that she used to be a dude, or even worse a republican. No she is a Cubs fan, I mean a real life, bonafide, Steve Bartman hating Cubs fan. You know how some women say they are Cubs fans, but at the same time think Ryne Sandberg played quarterback for the Bulls when they won the Super Bowl in '85. No, not this one she is a die hard, real life Cubs fan. She even proved me wrong in our debate over who was the Cubs centerfielder when they won the division in '84. I thought it was Jerome Walton, she gladly pointed out that it was Bobby Dernier and I was mistaking '84 for '89. I was speechless. Second thing different about this woman, is it is actually baseball season now, adding even more pressure to the new relationship. Thankfully the Cardinals are ahead of the Cubs in the standings right now, but what happens if that changes, it would spell impending doom.

So Friday night she comes over and asks me if I have to work on Saturday. Before knowing what she has planned, and wanting to spend time with her rather than a Saturday spent with tractor frames I agree to not go to work to spend the day with her. I was shocked to hear what she had planned, she got a couple of tickets to the Cubs/Nationals game in Washington last night and wanted to go. What, go to a Cubs game, when they aren't playing the Cardinals. Why don't we just go a National Organization for Women rally, or a Matt Hale appreciation dinner. What did I do you ask? Well what do you think I did...I humiliated myself and went to the stinking Cubs game. I just pray that no one back home in P-town spotted me on tv in all my shame. I even disreguarded a sure sign from heaven that I was not in a place I should have been and sat through the 4 or 5 hour rain delay. Bringing further shame upon myself, all of cardinal nation, and most importantly bringing shame upon Almighty God who is indeed the biggest Cardinals fan of all. I mean after all, in the minds of some, the Pope is God's mouthpiece, well who just got done electing the new Pope, thats right the Cardinals. So therefore God must be a die hard Cardinals fan. Who else would be wise enough to allow his favorite baseball team to elect his next mouthpiece. Although it is debatable whether or not the Pope is in fact the mouthpiece of God, but it fits good for my theory in this case.

The only redeeming thing of this whole fiasco was I made her promise we would go to two count them two Cardinals/Nationals games when they are in Washington later in the season. I parlayed one disasterous night of Cubdom, for two glorious days of watching the best team in baseball. Like a typical Cub/ Cardinal deal, I think the Cardinals came out ahead on this one. Ala Lou Brock for Ernie Broglio.

So go ahead, make your jokes, wisecracks I can take the heat. If not I wouldn't dish it out.