Tuesday, September 06, 2005

FROM THE RED STATES

Well since the Cubs season is officially in the "wait til next year" mode. I am going to start a little group for you Cub fans to recover. I am going to call it Cub's Fan Anonymous. I am going to have coffee and stale donuts to pass out. Please bring a dollar or two to contribute for the coffee and the stale donuts.

This is a support group, so sharing with each other is encouraged but not required. The staff here at Cubs Fan Anonymous feel that sharing with people who suffer from the same disease is the best way to recover.

We also offer free gifts for those that sign up right now. We are offering a free 10 second video with the past 100 years of Cub highlights. That's right guys the greatest highlights from the past 100 years of historic Cubs baseball all compiled into one 10 second video.

But wait, there's more! If you sign up today along with the video we have another free gift for you. The great piece of American Literature that any baseball fan should read "Tips To Managing Winning Baseball" by Lee Elia. That's right Cub fans, for signing up today you will recieve the video and the book, a .39 cent value absolutely free. Just for registering today.

The pamphlet I have written is still at the copiers so I will post the 12 steps to recovering from your illness, so you can begin reading and thinkinhg about it immediately.

The 12 Steps to Recovery...

1) Admit that you are powerless over the Cubs winning the World Series in your lifetime.
2) Believe that giving up hope of the Cubs ever winning the World Series can restore you to your sanity.
3) Make a decision to leave the Cubs, one day at a time.
4) Take an inventory of all the suffering that has befallen you as a Cub fan. Since you have probably blocked that out of your memory, let me help you. Some of the great moments in Cubs history...
a. The classic choke job in 1969.
b. Lou Brock for Ernie Broglio
c. The black hole decade that was the 70's.
d. Blowing a 2-0 lead in the best of 5 NLCS against the Padres in 1984.
e. Watching greg Maddux leave Chicago, only to return pitching for the Braves against the
Cubs in the 1998 NLDS.
f. Blowing a 3-1 lead in the best of 7 NLCS against the Marlins in 2003. Especially since the
last 2 games were at home with Mark Prior and Kerry Wood. Being 5 outs from the
World Series, blowing the game and blaming it all on fellow addict Steve Bartman.
g. Losing series' against the Reds, Mets, and Pirates down the stretch blowing any chance
for the Wild Card in 2004. Only to blame it on one time idol Sammy Sosa, injuries,
unfavorable schedule, and umpires.

5) Admit to yourselves and others that following the Cubs has been a life long painfull
committment that has destroyed your life.
6) Be entirely ready to stop your pain
7) Humbly ask for help in recovering from your sickness.
8) Make a list of the reasons why you should believe in the Cubs.
9) Admit to yourselves and others that baseball is just a game.
10) Continue to reinforce your decision to turn your back the Cubs.
11) Convert to Cardinal Nation.
12) Begin to share with other Cub fans suffering from the same illness, how they too can recover.

Well there you have it guys. So now who is gonna be the first to share?