Thursday, April 29, 2004

Rantings from the Lunatic Fringe...

It came to me in a moment of clarity - let's finally end this madness about the goat, the ball, and the dork (which is how Jim Rome gratuitously refers to Steve Bartman by the way). To begin with, I never thought blowing up the ball was such a great idea. I mean, sure - it was great for Harry Carey's in terms of publicity, but what if we have peeved off the powers that be with the destruction of that ball? We may have, in fact, added to the curse - not removed it!!!!

All I know is that after the destruction of that wretched ball Mark Prior and Grudzie go down with Achilles problems - a coincidence? I think not. I am just hoping that we have not done irrevocable damage with this dimwitted act of redemption - it looks like Prior is on track to return in a month. So lest we risk further incurring the wrath of the powers that be concerning Prior's return, let me begin by being the first to officially call for the restoration of the Bartman ball. I don't even know if such a thing is possible, but we need to enlist the services of someone who knows what the heck they are doing and we need to reconstitute that ball! Bring back the Bartman ball!

Also - as I thought about Al Yellon's comments the other day I realized he was right. Just bringing the goat to the park and parading it around the field like they did isn't going to do anything. If we are serious about this - and I mean really serious - we need to not only give the goat a ticket and actually let it sit in a seat during a game as Billy Goat Sianis and Al Yellon have suggested, BUT (1) we need to make the goat sit in the bartman seat, (2) it needs to be during a Florida Marlins game, (3) Steve Bartman needs to throw out the ceremonial first pitch with the reconstituted ball, and most importantly (4) Moises Alou needs to come over and speak nicely to the goat (preferably in Spanish - stilted English isn't going to cut it) and pet it while he's out in left field. I am convinced that this is the cure for our ills. If we are really serious about getting rid of the curse of the goat, the ball, and the dork - we need to take care of them all in one fell swoop. Either that or play really consistent and tough baseball this year - but the superstitious thing seems a whole heck of a lot easier (with the possible exception of the reconstituted ball thing) and it plays well to a nearly cultic fan base.

Isn't it ironic?

LaTroy Hawkins gives up the solo blast by him whose name must not be mentioned, which then ties the game and takes away Maddux's win, and after Gonzo's solo shot in the ninth, Hawkins (who essentially gave the win away) ends up with the win. Perhaps Oliver Stone might be interested in this story...