Monday, April 04, 2005

Keep drinking the cool-aid lemmings...

For the second straight year, Mark Prior has experienced discomfort and pain while pitching in Spring Training and for the second straight year the Directorate of Information at 1060 W. Addison is assuring the troops that all is well with comrade Prior.

For the second straight year, in spite of repeated earlier statements that Prior would be fine, the heroic and gallant comrade Prior will…

unfortunately and unexpectedly(!)

begin the season on the DL.


Not to worry though lemmings - keep your chins up! For the second straight year, the directorate has once again given its assurance that comrade Prior will be pitching sometime later this month (April 12th to be exact)! We won’t even miss a beat!

Listen to us lemmings - we are not relying on an unlicensed trainer this year! In fact, the following represent the only things you need to know: 1) our current trainer received his academic certificate as a medical transcriptionist in the mail three weeks ago; 2) he received an impressive array of training in human anatomy and physiology through this training (in addition to valuable information about interpersonal communication and time and stress management); 3) we are fairly confident that he is fully licensed to transcribe medical records in the state; and (perhaps most importantly) 4) we have acquired a more disciplined assistant trainer who knows to keep his mouth shut.

Keep repeating the party line lemmings, “Comrade Prior will not be out 2 months like he was last year – he will be with the team soon enough.”

Say it again now comrades.

And again…

And again…

There now, don’t you feel better?

The heroic Cubs will march on to glorious victory this year comrades! Do not listen to the "nattering nabobs of negativity" (yes, we are well aware of the right-wing origin of that phrase) who note the facts that: 1) Wood and Prior are both exhibiting the same troubling signs of being prone to injury this year as last year; 2) Matt Clement is not around as he was last year to keep the leaky boat afloat in the absence of either Prior and/or Wood; 3) the major question mark surrounding the fifth starter; 4) the loss of the #2 and #4 offensive producers in Alou and Sosa; and 5) a bullpen that looks strikingly similar to last years squad.

Don’t take our word for it Lemmings! Our shills faithful friends among the CBA are rallying the troops as well!

Victory lemmings – victory! Just keep thinking positive thoughts and when the effects of the cool-aid begin to fade, just remember these words:

Serenity now!

Remember those words lemmings – you’re going to need them for most of the season.