Friday, August 05, 2005

There goes another series down the drain...

[flushing sound]

After another series loss (the 2nd in a row), the Cubs can now reach 91 wins if they somehow can dramatically turn things around and win every one of their remaining series.

[Cavalry charge sound]

Garciaparra, Wood, and Williamson to the rescue!

[sound of cricket chirping]

Now, according to some, in order to be a true fan, you have to blind yourself to reality and hope against hope (and all possible evidence to the contrary) that things are peachy swell in Cubland and that we're still on the verge of the playoffs.

Evidently, my firm attachment to reality and my aversion to hallucinogenic drugs will no doubt keep me from the ranks of true fandom indefinitely.

If one wants to live in a fantasy land, oblivious to facts which suggest an underlying reality that is considerably more grim - there are blogs that will cater to such a perspective.

Inexplicably, some of these blogs continue to declare every game a “must win,” and yet after the Cubs drop each of these “must win” games, hope is, nevertheless, still dangled out like some ephemeral chimera.

How continued hope can coexist with repeated losses in “must win” games is beyond me.

And now for something completely different...

From the world of the completely bizarre and twisted, an Oregon High School coach has been suspended for literally licking the bleeding wounds of his players:

BEND, Ore. -- An Oregon high school teacher has gotten a tongue-lashing for his wound-licking.

Oregon's teacher standards board has voted to publicly reprimand the science teacher and football coach, who was accused of licking the bleeding wounds of several students.

The board also voted to place Scott Reed on two years' probation.

Reed agreed with the "stipulated facts" of the case: that he licked blood from wounds on a runner's knee, a football player's arm, and another student's hand.

It's not clear why he licked the wounds. But several students said it seemed like Reed was "just joking around."

The county sheriff investigated the case last year, and no charges were filed. The sheriff called the behavior "bizarre" but not criminal.

Reed resigned this spring as a track coach, but remains the school's football coach and dean of students.

He will be attending a class on the risks of blood-borne pathogens.

How in the world did this guy end up as the dean of students in the first place?

Was the school board unsuccessful in their earlier recruitment efforts at the circus freak show? Did they have to finally resort to pulling candidates from the local Gothic convention?

Apparently, the guy in the Dracula costume must have been more appealing than the Marilyn Manson clones in attendance.

And this gentleman needs more than a class on “the risks of blood-borne pathogens,” he needs to be instructed that the phrase “licking one’s wounds” has always been intended to be taken metaphorically.

Now, excuse me while I go throw-up.